Pretending the World is Race Neutral: Self Deception

What are the limits of community-oriented thinking? How tightly woven are gender, skin color, history and relationships into the everyday?

I wonder about the limits of obligation, because constantly thinking of myself in terms of all these aspects of my identity creates an overwrought sense of obligation

I realize this is a function of not being a 'neutral'; as a woman, a person of color, of Caribbean origin and so on.

In no way would I trade this awakened consciousness for the self deception of a gender blind world, or angst for political apathy. However, I do have more empathy for the Clarence Thomases of this world. In fact, if I can step back from anger, he is kind of a tragic character, and pathetic in the dramatic sense of the word. Clarence Thomas is a pathetic character, self deceiving. Not so much because of his insistence that the world is fair and hard work is all that matters, but because his political conservatism is born out of pain, and his decision to close his eyes and walk away from it.

If the world were a fair place, and I did not have to think of myself in relation to the places I belong, I could think of and be myself, no questions asked. Just float along in my own world, as me, just me. It would certainly be less complicated, less distressful. And I could ignore the astronomically high rates of incarceration of young black men, or unconscionable lack of healthcare for the working poor.

However, because I think that an orientation toward community is morally right, that is what matters, not what feels best to myself. And that is why Clarence Thomas, even though he turned toward political conservatism for understandable reasons, is wrong to leave the pain of racism that he experienced behind, and pretend it doesn't exist in his opposition to affirmative action. Until economic realities reflect the race-neutral society we all hope would exist one day, it is wrong to act as if this were true now. It ignores present injustice.

To use an everyday example: I could act as though my family doesn't exist, and make my own schedule irrespective of who needs a ride, or childcare for my nephew. But these relationships come with moral obligation, and it would be wrong to ignore these. While the kinship of race and gender is not as strong a bond as familial relationship, or friendship, it is forged by economic circumstances, and real, material injustice. So ignoring my skin, or my gender, would mean that I close my eyes to factual realities that exist out there, in the real world and affect others' lives, as they would do mine, if I were in their circumstances.

Having said that, I do acknowledge that it is an inconvenience. But closing my eyes makes neither me nor the world invisible. It is annoying sometimes.

But, a moral life is seeking to do what is right, as best as I can, not seeking my own happiness, regardless of the cost.